WW-Why didn't I get a new phone this week?

Adopted:The Movie

Tonight Korean Focus Indiana hosted a group discussion on Adopted. Sadly, as I indicated in my previous post, I missed it. It was going to be interesting, as Families with Children From China and the Guatemalan adoption group were invited to participate. Regardless, I want to share my feeling on the film. Luckily, Jim and I were able to borrow it from another family. After watching, Jim commented that he thought we should have our families watch too.

The film follows a 32-year-old Korean Adoptee and separately, a family about to adopt a daughter from China. You see the couple journey to China, meet the foster mother, and receive a crying daughter. This evoked tears from Jim and I, as we have been there-recently. The family returns home, makes some comments about the daughter attaching in 9 days. Jim and I gave them the benefit of the doubt, hopefully they meant to use another word. Anyways, you only see them home with their daughter at her current age.

However, the 32 year old, you hear about her childhood, and the pain that the adoption has caused her, and the good family life she had (she does not deny this part of her life). Some may view her as pessimistic and unappreciative, but I found her realistic. You see her as she tends to both of her terminally ill, adoptive parents. She finally shares what she has kept in for so long. That she never fit in, not in her family, not in the Korean American Culture, not in Korea. She talks about her birth mother and the desire for that connection and how that would make her whole. Sadly, her parents dismiss her comments and refuse to explore her feelings, saying it is too painful for them. I hope that this film was cathartic and gave her closure. As you see her coping in an unhealthy manner but the only way she knows.

What I take from this film, and you may not agree it is only my opinion:

Of course, we cannot generalize and assume all adoptees feel the way she does. Every situation is unique...but to say this case is extreme and will not be my child is wrong.

That love and having a family IS NOT enough. She shares that her adoption was celebrated, the family finally getting the daughter they dreamed about. What about the mother losing her daughter, the daughter who was left to be found, missing 10 months of her life? More importantly, that did not have the freedom to process these feeling in her adopted family. That is hurt the adopted mother to discuss the birth mother. I want my son to discuss his birth mother, as painful as this may be, it is necessary.

I do believe this is not us, as I grieve for P constantly. Tonight, as he ate happily in his highchair, I got tears in my eyes as I thought about how much loss he has had in his short life. When he is old enough, I want him to explore this, if he does not want to, at least he will grow up knowing we gave him every option. Trust me, not every dinner is this way. Most nights, he is just my son...I am not this overzealous, cross-cultural, analytical mother. Most nights we sing, laugh, and talk and the blinders are on. But they need to come off every so often, or we are bound to forget.

I assume things were different in 1975, for a young Korean adoptee, however P could have some similar experiences and I am naive if I think he won't. I know people may say hurtful comments or women may chose not to date him due to his race. He will be acutely aware that we do not look alike. I think the difference will be how we address these issues. We (I speak for Jim and I only) are so blinded by our white privilege, so we must challenge ourselves to look beyond. Our trip to Korea we a good start, but only a beginning. I need to stop it's getting late and I may not be making sense.

Anyone else see the movie, thoughts? I encourage anyone who had adopted or is in process to watch.

Another Soccer Weekend

The usual around here. I worked Friday night, and had a doctor ask me why I was so happy. Even though crisis can be tough work, it has an ER quality to it, well it is the emergency room for mental health. Each day is so different and I get to see cases that some only read about in text books. Okay, tangent over.

Saturday we took Parker to a birthday party for one of his cousin's. At a venue that I did think would be in my vocabulary, well not this soon. I'll give you some guess...a mouse, tokens, and games. Well, there must be some method to their madness, because P was sold. He rode some small car that required a seat belt, as Jim took it off and said "all done" he attempted to refasten and push the start button.

As we bid our goodbyes to the mouse, our friends attempted to secure a table at our local pub for the US game (Jim was saddened by Korea's loss, so he was ready for a game). They were told at the door, no one else allowed in! I thought we were in the Midwest, where very few people like professional soccer. Anyway, since they lost, we were able to return to Chatham Tap for dinner. It occupied the space, that was our favorite pub, and was not the same. However, there was still a black velvet and fish and chips. Sadly,we missed out Michigan friends this weekend, the rain caused their roof to collapse on the house they just accepted an offer on-yikes!

Sunday, Jim golfed and we attended the parade in our town. Of course, it was close to 90 degrees but Parker seemed to enjoy it. He noticed that candy was thrown in the street and came back with a pixie stick and a cigarette butt...sigh. Sadly, there was poor traffic control as we left, and I missed the Korean Focus discussion on the movie Adopted. I was really looking forward to hearing from others and sharing my thoughts on the film.

Hard to believe that the 4th is this weekend!

Looking at the fire trucks
Poor shot of the Guinness* World Cup glass. Jim had to ask the waitress where they got them.

Ran into my friend Carly at CC, she was there for her nieces bday. Seriously, the girl has 3 boys under 3, one being a few week old infant. She makes it look so easy!

More car!

15 Months

In light of Parker's 15 month check up I will forgo wordless wednesday and share his developmental status. Thrilling, right? I do not document these things anywhere and I know I will want to look back. So we visited Dr. Rob, for the sixth time in four months, yes Parker cries on cue when he walks in the room. Not for the nurse, and she is the one who administers the shots. We are frequent fliers due to American germs or daycare germs..not sure yet.

Parker grew an inch since May, making him 30 inches, and in the 17th percentile. He weighed 24lbs, gaining half a pound since May (42nd percentile). So most of his development is in the 15 to 18 months range: stepping on balls instead of kicking, pushing chairs or boxes around the house, crawling (scaling in our case) onto stairs, tables, 2-3 block towers, scribble with crayons, turning pages in books, demanding personal attention (ummm yes!) imitating adults, etc. The only concern I have is language development. Parker will consistently use Daddy, duck, no no (only to dogs while shaking a finger...hmm where did he get this?) and dog. He will imitate other words key, skunk (I know random-it was in a book), Mama, truck, choo-choo, but then I never hear these again. The doctor asked if he had 4-6 word, well no...

I know he was in Korea, leaning solely Korean for 10.5 months of his life. I know that he may be delayed due to this alone. Although our ENT reiterated that speech and language can develop with full hearing in one ear, yet I still worry (I think that is my job) Parker has decreased hearing in one ear and full in the other and ENT says there is no need for surgery. I do not often talk freely about his SN because I do not want him judged because of it. When he is of age, he can share if he decides. He is amazing at following directions so I know he can hear (Parker, go pick up your sippy cup, go stand at your highchair, put the ball back in the box...and he will do it all)

Despite colds all around, Parker started swim lessons (yea for his teacher, my friend Jen!) and Kindermusik...he loved both and slept in 45 more mins each day!!! We are in town this weekend and have a birthday party, dinner with out of town friends at a favorite brewery, and freedom festival in our town (parade!)

Parker got his fourth hair cut since he has been with us (he had a few trims in Korea.)
He looks darling but was too tired before his nap for a photo shoot.

Ready to swim

Loves hiding, then I say "where is Parker?" and he jumps out. We play this game lots!

Bubbles at library story time!

Father's Day Reflections

I just realized that I did not think about Parker's birth father today, nor on his first birthday. I find this interesting because I am often moved to tears as I speculate about his birth mother. My hopes are that they both are at peace in their lives. I still hold hope that Parker will be able to know them in some way, in the future. Happy Father's day to Jim and my Dad!

We spent our weekend at the lake, the above picture being a sunset on the ride home from skiing. My muscles got a work out from skiing.

Jim: knee boarding

That's me...don't mind the picture quality

Earlier in the week, Parker met a baby cow. He know that cows say moo but it sounds like "booo" We are at the point where Parker know what he wants but cannot communicate. He point, whines, and sometimes screams. I do not want to keep handing him cups, toys etc. if he cannot verbalize it, but I am unsure if he is able to say these words, so we are working on a few signs.

I am excited to add Kindermusik into our schedule this week, we need something new. Disclaimer: I am not complaining about staying at home with Parker, but we have some "groundhog days"...I suppose I do at work. I want to meet some SAHM's with children close in age to P; but Jim and I laugh that "What to meet at the zoo?" or "Do you go to the sprinkler park often?" are like pick up lines!

Tomorrow should be fun, Parker has his 15 month check up and a possible first swim lesson with Jim.

Three Word Wednesday

So Grown Up!

3 Days of Rain

Unfortunately, another storm prevented us from attending the outdoor movie. So Friday night consisted of some episodes of Boys Over Flowers (A Korean Drama, think Gossip Girl) with some popcorn and Sam Adams. Saturday morning, Parker woke up to see Korea beat Greece, in the World Cup. Jim was excited to watch Ji-Sung Park, of Manchester United, his favorite club team. Jim showed him how to kick around a soccer ball (sent from Korea by Omma), while they watched US vs. England. While Jim enjoys all sports, he played organized soccer for 13 years and it is his true love. He still enjoys a good pick up game.

I wanted to get Parker some soccer gear to kick off the world cup, but most items are too big or have juvenile messages (ie. future soccer fan, Mommy's MVP). What about a regular jersey or world cup shirt?

Saturday it rained on and off and we got a small, humid window for a cookout. We had some friends over and had a great time. Parker stayed up a few hours past his bedtime, but he was adorable playing with my friend Julie's son. Her son, Tyler, announce that he wanted Parker to come to Disney with him in the fall. So do I!

I worked a PRN shift today, and Jim drove to his parent's for an early father's day celebration. They arrived home in time for..more rain!

We have a fun week ahead, Grandma Persic arrives tomorrow, and we will make another trip to the lake!

Jen and Brad and their baby Ozzie-Meg insisted in being in the picture. Parker really like playing with Jen and Brad!

Julie and Matt. Tyler was too busy playing!

Parker was not happy we made stop playing for a photo

Wordless Wednesday

Nothing New, Just Pictures

Basically just wanted to share some pictures of my handsome guy. I am shocked when I look back at how much he has grown up, as of this weekend he has been home four months. I watched a video of another family's year home today and teared up...that will be us in no time.



Fairly quite weekend, work Friday night, a trip to the Asian fest with a friend and Parker, and Jim's family reunion today. About two and a half hours in the car-each way. Now, I am not complaining, just stating facts: I do not like car rides. I get no enjoyment our of roadtrips, I will take a plane or train anyday. Parker is typically wonderful in the car, I am the trouble.



Great week ahead: abbreviated work schedule due to training, outdoor movie, hosting friends this weekend, and a mani/pedi (I am most excited-finally have free time to go!)

The beloved bucket

Laughing at Grandpa Howell

So cute!

Doesn't he look older?

With Dad

Tomorrow is Thursday

With Aunt Nicole in the water

Look at the water dripping down his face

Already? Where was Memorial Day weekend? Okay, it just flew by. Here are the highlights of our lake trip: Running with my Dad (he's getting ready run a half in October, right?), Visiting with family, Aunt Kathy's brownies, playing in the water with Parker, seeing his face light up when he realized where we were. Parker's high points: eating fruit (he SCREAMS for it) and a sock monkey from Grandma!

Jim took the rest of the week off, since he would lose vacation if he did not. So he thought it would be a great time to get work completed on the basement. However, he is not progressing as expected. My Junior League dinner was loong Tuesday night and tonight I met some stroller fit Mom's for cocktail and Sex and the City 2. I owe my husband a few rounds of golf...but it was wonderful to chat, empathize, and laugh. One of my mantra's in life is women need other women.

Back to working Mom tomorrow and Friday, Asian festival Saturday, and Jim's family reunion in Ohio on Sunday.