We are, well have been home...

We are doing well, as well as can be expected. I think I left off as we headed to Hong Kong. Leaving China was a mix of emotions, there is so much loss that comes with adoption. Jim and I both felt this as we left walked through customs to board the train to Hong Kong. The Chinese officers must have thought I was a basket case, not to mention there was some sappy song that most likely the Chinese version of "my heart will go on" piped in.

 

Our awesome guide, John, he went above and beyond to make sure we had a great experience in China. Although we had some issues with our agency, the in country experience was flawless.

 

Evelyn started to become more comfortable exploring while in transit. This made cab rides and the 2 hour train ride an experience.

 

Sleeping in Hong Kong. Sleep is happening for all members of the house, which is wonderful. However, as we expected Evelyn does most of her grieving at night. She is also terrified of her room and upstairs, but only in the evening. We take turns sleeping with her on her floor. It is a process to get her to sleep, walk her then wait until she is in a deep sleep..if you try to soon she wakes up you must begin the process again.This girl can scream and for a long period of time. Parker's grief was pretty similar, it is a positive sign she is showing grief. We will move to the crib wen she has a better understanding of the transition. She needs to understand that this is a safe place and that we can be trusted.

 

Parker is hurting and acting out. He has been pushing, hitting, being extra loud to wake Evelyn, and demanding attention. He is not happy with me and he has made that clear. Jim has been home an extra week, which has helped in terms of attention. We have been trying to get sunlight to combat jet lag and have been visiting quiet parks. Evelyn stays in the carrier, she is not happy about being put down in public. She will go to Jim and let him care for her. I even snuck out to the YMCA last night...not a good idea when you sleep on the floor after a hard workout.

 

She loves pulling tea out of the pantry and stacking the tins.

 

Do not be fooled, she does not like the highchair or booster seat. She fought the booster seat but eventually calmed down. She is going to be a foodie, like her brother. She has eaten all of our regular meals and refuses baby food. She is obsessed with PB2, but who isn't?

 

Evelyn has picked up two baby signs, just in the past week. She uses "more" at meal times.

 

She sits on our laps for the majority of meals, one step at a time for the booster. Keep in mind, you cannot spoil a newly adopted child. When the time is right she will adjust to the normal aspects of toddler life.

 

I will post the airport pictures in a separate entry, there are quite a few.

 

 

 

 

The Last Few Days

Our last couple days have been free days and they have involved sightseeing to Six Banyan Temple, the Chen Family House, a night cruise on the Pearl River, and the Canton Tower. Although we are enjoying our time in China, Evelyn's grieving is exhausting. In order to sleep she needs to be in constant motion so we have ben taking turns pacing with her. She does not feel comfortable walking on her own or sitting in a high chair' and since she is still not super thrilled with dad, that means I end up carrying her the majority of the day.

She feels most comfortable in our hotel room and will leave the safety of my lap to explore, but only in 5 to 10 minute increments. She's allowing Jim to play with her and feed her while being held by me and has even allowed him to pace her to sleep.

We have our US Consulate appointment tomorrow to obtain Evelyn's visa and we also have a very important shopping trip to find Parker some trains. Tuesday afternoon we will take the train to Hong Kong and Wednesday morning we have our first flight on the journey home.

http://db.tt/CdzPHbGJ

Yangxi Orphanage

Yesterday we spent 7 hours in a van, the trip was to Yangxi County to visit where our daughter has spent the first 18 months of her life. I have debated how much to share, as this is her story and not ours to disclose.

We ate in a local Cantonese restaurant, the octopus was delicious but she was overwhelmed from the long car ride. She was refusing to eat and drink.

We got to the SWI and met with the administration. I had photos and a letter to give them from other adoptive families and I could see them pointing and discussing as if they remembered the children in the photographs. They invited us up stairs to see her room and crib.  It housed about 30 babies in this room ranging from 10 to 18 months with two nannies. There were a few older children with visible special needs also in the room. They asked us not to take any pictures in this room except for her crib, which there was no mattress but just wood. The moment I stepped into the room Evelyn began sobbing and clung to me. I'm not trying to imply that she is attached to me, that is a long ongoing process. However this was confusing and she has a had a long emotional four days. One of the nannies brought over a baby she was close with and Evelyn swatted her away. The nanny called her over to a plastic horse and Evelyn robotically walked over and rocked on the horse whaling.

As soon as we left the baby room her tears stopped and we went back down stairs to take pictures and they brought her a bottle. She fed it to herself as if on auto pilot and the staff was concerned about her appetite and brought her some Chinese Medicine Tea. They did this because they thought her face looked red. We were only permitted to see two rooms in the large structure. We assume there is a room with more younger children. I do appreciate that they allowed us to photograph two babies for their waiting families.

The visit and her reaction were both emotional for Jim and I. It was almost impossible to envision her in that small, bare room that was void of any stimulation. Based on our guides observations, he felt that Evelyn probably received special attention from the nannies. The orphanage is in a poor rural area and has limited resources.

This visit was important but we will never have all of the answers for our daughter.

http://db.tt/g5hRRYTq

A non-fluff Recap of the day

Today was busy with a physical for Evelyn, a trip to the Passport office, some really good Cantonese food, and Evelyn's first excessive shoe shopping trip. Gotta love the prices here.

Tomorrow brings what will probably be the one of the most emotional days of our trip. The 3.5 hour drive to visit the orphanage where our daughter has lived all of her life and to visit her finding spot. It will be a long, tough day.

http://db.tt/eEjx3IjV

Officially Official

Today consisted of another trip to the civil affairs office this time to complete the domestic side of the adoption. We answered a few questions for the officials, signed countless documents and we were out. 
Evelyn, to be expected, woke up deciding that Jim was not to be trusted and that she would prefer I not put her down. She is still eating okay and even ran around the hotel room playing. However, she has these big, sad searching eyes. Twice she brought me the shoes she was wearing when we met her, they are too big and very dirty but they are a comfort.
We went to dinner with another family from our agency, but our shopping was cut short when another typhoon rolled in...our guide said one was coming....not sure if this qualifies.
We have a medical exam tomorrow, Ev seems fine but I wonder if she has tounge thrush, it looks like there are white patches. I am interested to see what she weighs, she fits perfect in the 6 to 12 month clothes we brought.
Here are a few pictures from today :
http://db.tt/NCobFEMU

Family Day

Today we clock watched until our guide picked us up until 1:45 and we took a short ride over to the civil affairs office. I finally started to shake as we rode in the elevator. Our guide has us and another family sit on a row of couches as our children had not yet arrived. Our girl had a 3 plus hour drive, and had not been in a car since infancy. We heard babies screaming and saw one little guy bolt from his new family. It was chaos...finally we were told to go to the front of the room...then they walked her out. I picked her up and we walked back to the couches. A staff member from her SWI came over and answered questions. Most significant was the theme that she is stubborn. Also her name on her referral is Manderin, however her province is Cantonese...so her name is completely different.

She sat and are puffs and mums, you could tell she was hungry and in total shock. She is absolutely stunning , the pictures do not even capture her beauty. I am surprised at how well she can do certain things, despite being in an orphanage. She can pick up puffs, build stacking cups, and walk.

We stopped at the grocery store for formula but she has not drank much of her bottle. She ate quite a few things in the executive dining room, which I did not expect. We have had a few tears...I assume they will start this evening.

She is taking in her surroundings and is very inquisitive. She keeps making tiny little sighs like "what am I doing here"

We have an early morning tomorrow that will be filled with more official paperwork. Things are going as well as can be expected, in fact I dare say better. More tomorrow.

http://db.tt/xBGkOEcs

Beijing Day Two

So we have had some problems, with the tablet and the VPN service that we have been using and trying to upload photos, and we have tried to type this post like four times so this will be short. So here is a link to some of our photos from yesterday when we went to the Forbidden City, Taniman Square, and the Temple of Heaven. Also a picture of our guide and driver for the two days we were in Beijing, they were great.

We flew into Guangzhou today from Beijing (flight delayed for an hour). We will be beginning our next step in our life's tomorrow at 2:30 when we get Evelyn. We will post photos as soon as we can.

http://db.tt/33NOq73E

The Great Wall

I must start out by saying arriving at night followed by Ambien makes for a wonderful next day. We got up and worked out, well I did, not Jim and met our guide for the day. He was funny, asking me if I owned a gun. We stopped at one of the national jade shops and heard the tales of women getting jade when they get engaged and saw carving. The woman who was leading us around asked if we had a daughter and we mentioned that we would be meeting her soon. She looked shocked and said "but you look so young to adopt, how old are you?" When I told her she mentioned that she was younger but I had no wrinkles and such pretty white skin with no tan. I suppose the grass is always greener. If she was aiming to sell me some jade, well done.

We then took a back road to the Mutianyu section of the wall, as the highway was shut down for some government official. Note to self bring ginger on long car trips...when we stopped for lunch I was digging out all of the sliced ginger to combat motion sickness. When we arrived at the wall, we took an open cable car up....uh, somewhat scary....very high. We both admitted to have thoughts of the car plummeting to the ground....our guide was behind us yelling and waving. The time on the wall could only be described as spiritual, it was the first time in many months I have felt in the present. We took a long "toboggan" ride down, which was numerous.

We thought about going to market to shop but realized we did not need to add any weight to our bags and could shop in GZ. The concierge walked us to a tiny courtyard restaurant for hot and sour soup, dumplings, and big beers.

Today is packed with the Forbidden city, Tianamen Square, Temple of Heaven, and an acrobat show...I may go down in my Peking duck.
For some reason I thought China would be busier, crazier...
Both of us are shocked that we fly out for GZ tomorrow and meet Evelyn the following day, still does not seem possible.

Itinerary

Our travel plans are set, we leave in a few days. For some of you, if you have seen one adoption blog to China you have seen them all. Big Ben, Parliament...right?

I hope to capture that raw emotion that we experience on this trip. This is how I will share with her in the future. People keep telling me to "have fun" in China. There is so much emotion that goes into an adoption trip, yes happiness but also guilt, grief, anxiety, and sadness. o much of this comes home too, it does not end when we arrive home.

I am not aiming for fun but memorable...

8/15 Flight to Beijing

8/15-8/19 Touring in Beijing

8/19 Flight to Guangzhou

8/20 Meet Evelyn Ying Yi

8/23 Orphanage Visit

8/27 US Consulate Appointment

8/28 Train to Hong Kong

8/29 Fly home


Jim and I are both in a good place...expectations are out the window.


As for big brother...he knows something is up!

We leave in 8 days! I will post our schedule when I know more...as it stands we should meet Evelyn on 8/20!

Travel Approval

Meaning we can go get Evelyn Ying Yi! We are in the process of requesting dates that we will be in country.

Last step...

We can finally say we are waiting on our travel approval (TA)...

When we leave depends on securing a Consulate Appointment (CA). It would be nice to jump in the first plane but the reality is a significant drop in airfare if we wait until the end of August.

We are getting some tasks done here (read Jim's hanging things I bought).

Parker knows Evelyn is coming and he has no idea what this means. One day he is so happy, playing with Evelyn's dolls naming them Emily and Mommy, and putting them for a nap. The next day he is saying "I just want Mommy, Daddy, and Parker" or our house is too small for her.

We are most likely going to miss his first day of preschool, which probably bothers me more than him.

We've been trying to spend the last of summer just having fun together.

New Pictures

Once again, a family visiting Evelyn's orphanage was able to get us updated pictures. I am so thankful they took time out of their emotional and stressful visit to see her. Trust me when I say I love the pictures but all I needed was for them to see her, and tell me she was okay!

Amy told me she was active, going from toy to toy, and was able to climb in and out of her crib. Her crib is on the end, so she can look outside and have fresh air.

I was also told there are more pictures and a video to come. To think we may be there next month is surreal!

How much longer?

Wonder how many times a day I hear that question?

2.5 more weeks until we are waiting on our travel approval...our I800 was approved last week and we were cabled yesterday.

Translation: The US approved our family to bring home Evelyn, and they sent this approval to the embassy (in China) so her visa can be generated.

We can leave to pick her up once our CA (Consulate appointment) has been booked, it all depends on the availability.

Here is some Parker from the past week...

Swim lessons, he is doing much better in the private lessons vs the YMCA. Eveything depends on his mood these days.

I normally think, sleeping pictures are creppy (remember the Elf on a Shelf business?) I went to get him for soccer and he looked like a sweet baby.

He is constantly saying how "sad' and "unhappy" he is Evelyn is not home. I do think he will be happy to have her here but I am prepared for some regression. He keeps saying how I am going to carry both of them up the stairs, at the same time. He tells me...you have two arms, you can do it!

We are in go mode around here!

Quality time with Daddy

Happy Father's Day to all of the men who touch our lives. Each year this makes me realize I never reflect on birth fathers and the role they played in my children's early lives. Were they sad? Do they even know these about these precious children?

As for Jim, I knew all he cared about was golfing. He does not go as often as he would like (read once in the past two years). So he made some plans with friends, and I told him we would seek out some of his favorite things when he got home. We were all set to go to a local brewery, right outside the local state park and eat at the Seoul Grill Korean food truck that comes every Sunday. Well the truck was not going to be there, so I found their location for Saturday. I decided to factor in getting a hodduk at the end of our night (these are fried dough stuffed with honey and nuts...imagine how they smell as you pass them on the streets of Seoul..Jim and I stood in the freezing cold eating one.)

All Parker cares about is spending time with both of us together, so that was our plan!

Dinner at Twenty Tap (named after the 20 craft breweries in Indiana and on draft) Parker and I split a vegan bahn mi..that is my kind of pub menu!

Before that we decided to roam the grounds at the Indianapolis Museum of Art, Jim had not visited the 100 acre (outdoor exits that kids can climb all over). The summer solstice fest was going on so there were breweries set up and a concert.

This cage..uh, art exhibit is going to be placed on an island in the lake by the IMA. Where someone will live...we were free to wander in the cage before it was moved.

He loved playing on "funny bones"

Parker had just said "I am so happy!"  

Happy Fathers Day!

After 91 long days we can finally say....

Friday was turning into a dark day...I was at Costco, shopping for the Korean Focus picnic. My China facebook was blowing up with LOA's...I counted 15.

I knew my agency had got their DHL shipment and it contained 10 LOA's...I was told mine was not included...and they closed for the weekend. So I went to work, in a grump mood. Luckily some drug reps had stopped by so I had a cookie and then a bagel.

I was talking with my co-workers around 7PM, I saw an email from our agency with LOA..YES YOU GOT IT. In BIG shouty capitals.

When our dossier went to China I had bought our celebratory bottle of Moet...and Saturday we cracked it out. This is the final step we needed...they approve us to be her parents.

 He had apple juice...

CHEERS!

Everyone keeps asking...what's next...

1. Adoption agency files I-800 Application with supporting documents
2. I-800 approved, Provisional Approval Notice sent to family in the mail
3. I-800 approval forwarded to the National Visa Center
4. NVC forwards approval information to U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou
5. U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou sign off Article Letter 5
6. Article Letter 5 sent to CCWA
7. CCAA issue Notice of Travel (TA)
8. Secure Consulate appointment date (CA)

Most families are seeing this process Take 2 months...a few in even less time.

We are ecstatic to be at this point and have quite a few things to get ready...we need visas, have to prepare travel, immigration documents, trust me we will be busy. And I need to wade through the mountains of clothes I have bought for Evelyn and decide what to pack!



And we wait...

Day 81 here, still waiting on LOA...I got an email this morning saying all dossiers from our agency were submitted and approved from LOA. Needless to say I got really excited in the YMCA locker room, well we may be excluded due to some documentation that was being reviewed (just a copy of our home study agencies accreditation). So then I am told we may be in the batch after that...if so, welcome to the century club.

Jim told me I am no fun to be around like this, I get it...I don't like it...but there is a little girl who has aged from 7 months to 16 months. She has not gotten the nutrition, affection, and stimulation which she needs. While I sit here and obsess over dates and potential travel and airfare (which is about 3 times what it was when we flew to Korea..ouch). I guess I am cautiously optimistic for this batch...

We have been keeping busy, I ran the Indy mini the first week of May (I guess when it is your 9th mini no one brings cameras anymore!) it was hot and my time suffered. We were debating about getting away for a few days, but Jim and I tend to want an ocean when we get away so we couldn't settle on anything for a 4-5 day trip.

Parker is my sweet boy, but he has so much energy (and trust me I have a lot of energy) and is so exhausting. The three year old power struggles continues! He is so much fun and is learning like crazy, I need to write down the things he says...because they are so funny.

A few recent...begging multiple times to put up the Christmas tree in May, constantly wanting to "play santa" Everyone has to pretend to go to sleep and then he hands out "presents"...that are always trains, eating a tempura shrimp: "Mommy, this is fish? is it Nemo?"

We went strawberry picking last week, here are a few pictures: 

 We made a trifle with the berries, he told me it tasted like shampoo...

Fingers crossed for good news!

Important Read

This is a good introduction to what adopted children may experience once home. This is the reason we limit interactions, visitors, etc.


http://chinaadopttalk.com/2012/05/03/the-not-so-rosy-part-2/


I will write more closer to homecoming but I think it is important to put out there.

When it rains...

The wait continues to be difficult. Two families have gotten news that their babies had passed away or were to ill to be adopted. I had a need to know she was okay, so I paid for an update and received pictures and new measurements less than 24 hours later! How, who knows?  

I was shocked by how much older she looked...

and how confident she looked standing.

She weighs 19 pounds, has 6 teeth, is 29.5 inches tall and wears about a size 5 shoe.

The next set of pictures came from another Love Without Boundaries drop off, the SWI was given towels and diapers.

Totally and completely adorable!

The government is closed until Wednesday, We are still in translation (meaning our paperwork is not even at the place where it can be approved) and it means we are looking at August travel.

Parker has been asking about "my sister" constantly and I keep feeding him lines about the paperwork traveling on a boat to China.

COME ON LOA!

The Wait and a Good Cause

UPDATE: FULLY FUNDED: IN ONE DAY!!!!!

Day 47 of the LOA wait has arrived! I woke up to an email from our China coordinator saying the dossier is still in translation. She put a call into China, last evening, which I appreciate that we have an agency that will check into the wait. That being said 3-4 more weeks at least once we get out of translation. Say goodbye to July travel....not being a pessimist (as my Dad has accused me throughout this wait) Just being realistic...

So in China's eyes we have waited 47 days...but in reality it has been 7 months and one week, for us...but for Evelyn she has been waiting for 466 days...without her Mom and Dad, without knowing a family, without the proper stimulation.

I love the idea of being productive and something good coming out of the wait. Us waiting Moms stick together, we must, we are living this together! I am lucky to have found another waiting Mom, Ashley, who's daughter is waiting at Evelyn's SWI...and we have the same timeline! She saw the delivery from Love without Boundaries and decided to see what the SWI needs. And so was born....

The Incubator Project

http://ashleyannphotography.com/blog/2012/04/16/the-incubator-project/

Many are shocked when hear about babies being "found" in China...The country is not like home, mothers cannot make formal adoption plans, but they do, they leave their babies in public places where they know they will be "found" Many watch from a far to be sure their baby is taken into care.

I do not use the word "abandoned" those are two different concepts. Our Evelyn was found, so she could have a family who was able to care for her.

Often, these babies are not born under medical care and may be premature. If the SWI had an incubator think of what they could do for these little babies!

A HUGE thank you to Ashley for starting this project!

Easter and the obvious

Parker was thrilled about Easter this year, he kept asking for "so many rabbits to come to his house" He picked out carrots "with the long green tops" and insisted he leave water out for the bunny. We spent the weekend with my family at the lake, complete with adult egg hunts. It was nice weather for a run and a boat ride.

Coloring eggs

Helping rake the leaves off the beach

He "helped" me make these cupcakes to take to daycare and Easter. By helping I mean I had to threaten to baby gate him out of the kitchen, he wanted to eat their beaks and eyes.

Leaving out the carrots and water for the "rabbit"

The bunny left him a scavenger hunt for his basket. He was thrilled to find "lego Thomas"

Egg hunt with Grandma and Papa

The basket from Grandma and Papa had this fun toy!

Of course we had a great holiday, but Evelyn was missing. Her home coming seems to slipping further away. As I have mentioned, despite almost 7 months of waiting we are only on day 37 with China. Hoping to find out where we are in the LOA process this week, fingers crossed we are out of translation and on to the process part.

There are some waiting families whose dossiers are still being translated after 90 plus days! I hoped to have out LOA in under 70 days. There are so many unknowns right now...basically we sit and wait.

I am out of ideas...I am training for a half marathon (all I do for 8 miles is run numbers for potential travel dates in my head), gobble jelly beans, read, joined a book club, talk to other waiting Moms, and working extra.

Come on LOA!