Preparation

What a week, it went by pretty fast since I worked almost 40 hours in addition to days home with Parker. Today I picked up a ten hour shift and when I came home Parker said "Oh no, you home...I don't like you" Later he told me he did not like it when Mommy went to work all of the time. After I got over his guilt trip, I explained that Mommy works so we can have fun vacations and so he can have trains. He said "Okay, I need so many engines" I did not dare tell him we had to pay for Evelyn's adoptions fees, he would dislike the idea even more!

Lent began this week and I must feel like torturing myself even more because I gave up shopping and facebook. I know, you think facebook, so? I have a group of adoptive Mom's I have connected with and they are a huge support. I plan to spend more time being productive in terms of things around the house, reflecting, and reading some books I bought years ago.

Not the best week to give up facebook, I got some news (adoption) that could be nothing or it could be a huge stressor.

My MOM's club had a big fundraiser planned for the library and I allowed myself one last shopping trip...see the cute dress below! I also found a hat and headbands for Ev, since she's not going to be wearing the many bows I have bought for some time! I showed Jim these and he said "Do I have to do her hair for daycare???" He will be fine, daycare is only one day per week!

Those three little letters...

Which stands for Dossier to China! Yes, it took 5 months to get to this point...now it is out of our hands and all in how fast things move through their system.

Update from China

I just got back from mailing a care package that will go to China via a Mom who is traveling...and these showed up in my inbox!

Look at that sad little girl...it is either her shaved head or that she cannot move in all of her layers.
You can see how tiny she is underneath all of her layers, she is about 18 pounds. It is so nice to see her standing unassisted. Sorry Parker she is going to be able to reach your train table!

Hoping to hear that our dossier is sent of to China!

No one said it would be easy...they said it would be worth it

The Wait

I'll start this with a cute picture so there is more than just my whining...Look at my sweet valentine!

Last week we were in Mexico (yes, I will share those cute pictures) and I was under the impression our dossier would be sent to China and would put us on the path to the final wait (final meaning 4-7 more months) but this us the "essential" step and a *big* deal. I even checked with my agency to see if there was anything I needed to do before we left. I get home and it is still sitting with them, waiting for us to pay an invoice.

Yesterday, I was fuming, if they did not know how much the courier and authentication costs would be I would have gladly overpaid. Trust me, there thousands and thousands more fees we will be billed for in the future, nothing wrong with some credit. So I had Jim overnight them, now it can be sent to the facilitator in China, to double or triple check on then on to the Chinese Government. So we lost a few more weeks, I was so angry. I told Jim I have no idea how to emotionally navigate the rest of this wait. I thought to myself, I need a break, a vacation...I got home from one two days ago.

Today is a new day and I am done clinging to those few weeks lost, just as I let go of the 2-3 extra months that were taken here in the states. I am not in control, I do everything in my power to work on the steps I control. So here is my new plan...I get one day per month, to sulk, pout, cry whatever I want. The other days I am going to be strong, and productive and do this...because I have no other choice.

I really have no idea what I need. I do not expect others to understand or for some even care. Honestly, people are probably sick of hearing about Evelyn. I am so thankful for the other adoptive parents in my life, they make this bearable and they have been there. For a long time I thought it was selfish to be sad about this, people are sick, lose jobs, have no children etc. But I need to address my feelings and worries. Evelyn's crib mates are leaving, which makes me so happy to see these babies finally join their families! But I worry about her, these "sisters" are all she has known and one left last week, one will leave in 3 weeks.

I am so happy that I get to send a package with one of the sweet mother's I have met, Evelyn may never see the items or pictures but it somehow makes me feel a tiny bit productive.

Latest projection for travel is sometime in June to September...we will have a better idea once we get our LOA (which we cannot get until the dossier is in China) The LOA can take 30 days or 130...and there is no predictions or reason for the length of time.

Venting done!