The Wait

I'll start this with a cute picture so there is more than just my whining...Look at my sweet valentine!

Last week we were in Mexico (yes, I will share those cute pictures) and I was under the impression our dossier would be sent to China and would put us on the path to the final wait (final meaning 4-7 more months) but this us the "essential" step and a *big* deal. I even checked with my agency to see if there was anything I needed to do before we left. I get home and it is still sitting with them, waiting for us to pay an invoice.

Yesterday, I was fuming, if they did not know how much the courier and authentication costs would be I would have gladly overpaid. Trust me, there thousands and thousands more fees we will be billed for in the future, nothing wrong with some credit. So I had Jim overnight them, now it can be sent to the facilitator in China, to double or triple check on then on to the Chinese Government. So we lost a few more weeks, I was so angry. I told Jim I have no idea how to emotionally navigate the rest of this wait. I thought to myself, I need a break, a vacation...I got home from one two days ago.

Today is a new day and I am done clinging to those few weeks lost, just as I let go of the 2-3 extra months that were taken here in the states. I am not in control, I do everything in my power to work on the steps I control. So here is my new plan...I get one day per month, to sulk, pout, cry whatever I want. The other days I am going to be strong, and productive and do this...because I have no other choice.

I really have no idea what I need. I do not expect others to understand or for some even care. Honestly, people are probably sick of hearing about Evelyn. I am so thankful for the other adoptive parents in my life, they make this bearable and they have been there. For a long time I thought it was selfish to be sad about this, people are sick, lose jobs, have no children etc. But I need to address my feelings and worries. Evelyn's crib mates are leaving, which makes me so happy to see these babies finally join their families! But I worry about her, these "sisters" are all she has known and one left last week, one will leave in 3 weeks.

I am so happy that I get to send a package with one of the sweet mother's I have met, Evelyn may never see the items or pictures but it somehow makes me feel a tiny bit productive.

Latest projection for travel is sometime in June to September...we will have a better idea once we get our LOA (which we cannot get until the dossier is in China) The LOA can take 30 days or 130...and there is no predictions or reason for the length of time.

Venting done!